10 Things I learned from being in a toxic relationship (Part I)

I wasn´t planning on getting *this* personal on the blog, but lately, I´ve been reading  lots of posts, comments and articles talking about harmful relationships and people not feeling able to recover from a breakup.
It happened to me.  And even though I consider that experience the worst and most challenging thing that I’ve ever been through, I learned a lot. This post is meant to share those personal lessons hoping to help someone else.
So, here it goes:

1.There is no such thing as a standard time to recover from a breakup

No matter what people tell you and no matter what magazine articles say, the time of recovery from a breakup is absolutely personal.
Every single relationship is different and every person is unique. Therefore, every one of us embrace change, sadness and rejection in a very particular way. Most of the time, how we face things has lot, if not everything, to do with our past experiences. You are not taking care of any given thing; you are taking care of your heart, your emotions and yourself. You are taking care of fragile and special things. Take all the time you need.

2. People will tell you to stop crying. Disobey them

Emotional burden is the heaviest of them all and in order to lighten it, you got to start expressing how you feel by letting your emotions out. The first step to recovery is to be in touch with your feelings and let your actions reflect them. In order to let your sadness go, you got to take it out first. Cry as much as you feel.

3.  A person or a breakup should NOT devastate you

There are more than 7 billion of people on earth. If you are letting ONE person out of that 7 billion devastate you and affect your life that much, you have given that person absolute control over your existence and way too much power over your life. If this is the case, I’m really sorry to tell you that the problem is yours not theirs.


4. A toxic relationship is a symptom. The disease is something else

Nobody knows if a new relationship will be toxic or not, but I think everyone knows whether you are happy and comfortable with the relationship you’re in. It is not healthy to stay in a relationship that makes you miserable and worried about not offending the other person with who you are. And it is certainly harmful being with someone who’s constantly telling you that you’re crazy, that you need to change, who stands you up, ignores you or hide you.
They say “we take the love that we think we deserve”. Thinking we deserve this kind of “love” is only a reflection of our insecurities, desperation, fears and low self-esteem.  It is an emergency call to ourselves that we need to start working on our emotions, to remember that we are worthy human beings and that we all DESERVE BETTER.

5. Don´t expect people to change

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying people don’t change, I’m saying that everyone is capable of improvement but only if an intrinsic motivation gives you the willpower to do so. If someone is demanding you to change in order to be with them, that person is emotionally blackmailing you. Maybe you’ll try to change so as this person to like you, but there won’t be genuine improvement, just emotional exhaustion from pretending.
If you are the one expecting this people to change, I’m sorry to tell you you’re just wasting your time and lying to yourself. In most of the cases, there is a possibility that this person keeps coming back to you and acts like he/she has changed. Truth to be told, this person keeps coming back to you is because he/she misses someone who is always available for him/her. Unless this person realizes that there are some aspects of his/her personality that need work and improvement and consciously decide to be a better person not for anyone else but him/herself everything that he/she does will be acting.

Stay tuned for part II.
Thanks for stopping by.


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