The present that was never delivered

Many moons ago, I fell for a guy that I met on a trip.
It wasn’t love at first sight, but it was something really close to that. We were staying at the same hotel and since the only time we could spend together was at night, we dinner together and after, we took cabs to the historical part of the city, where we walked, cried of laughter at our attempts of photography sessions and had the most intimate and emotional conversations.
It was a beautiful encounter but, unfortunately, a short one.
I came back to my country feeling devastated and as if the part of me that made me feel alive stayed with him. As crazy as it sound, I truly missed him and he told me he felt like that as well.
We made plans to reunite again and even though we talked almost every day and there were only a few months to wait, I wanted to show him what I did every single day that I was far away from him. So, I got a notebook and started journaling some of the moments when I thought of him and wanted him to be right next to me. I remember I used to add the date, the exact time, a photo of the place where I was at, and write down what I was thinking, perceiving through my senses and how I was emotionally feeling that day.
It might not sound like much, but I really put effort into it.
I got to admit that a present as personal as the one I was trying to create is something I would have loved to receive and I’ll always have the doubt of what this guy would have thought of it.
I never send it. As time went by, the communication started to decrease and so did my writing.
He didn’t show as much interest in me as he did at the beginning of everything and I was too coward to just ask him if we were still on the same page. It didn’t take much time to find out that we were not, that he was dating someone and just forgot to tell me.
It was until then that I confronted him and had no other option than to wish him the best and let him go.
That present was never delivered and even though I didn’t keep it, I’m still in love the idea of it.


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